A Story of Addiction & Loss

Month: March 2022

Its Not About the Money

Matt,  I’ve been involved in the lawsuit against the Sackler family and their killing machine Purdue Pharma.  It’s been a disturbing time as I listened and read transcripts from the lawsuit.  It’s maddening thinking that the Sackler’s could give a damn about the lives and families they destroyed.

They are acting like they are the innocent victims and those of us involved in the lawsuit are nothing more than dirt they want to scrape off their shoes and get on with their wealthy, carefree lives.

Taking no responsibility to their part in the opioid pandemic their company Purdue Pharma created.  Acting as if all the lies, the buying of doctors to overprescribe their poison should have no consequences.  

If I could I would shove your picture in their faces and scream like a mother who’s heart has been ripped out of her body.  I would continue to scream until I had no more strength then I would spit in their faces as they have done to the thousands of mothers who wear my shoes and know my grief.

The thing the heart less family can’t come close to understanding is that it’s not about the money.💔

What the Sackler family and their killing machine Purdue Pharma can’t comprehend is that this settlement is NOT ABOUT THE MONEY.

This settlement is about the families who have been irrevocably broken.  It’s about the mothers whose hearts have been shattered.  💔

It’s about the siblings who will never grow old with their siblings.  It’s about the children who will grow up without a parent.  It’s about the father’s who hide their grief to hold their families together.

This settlement is about the mothers who took their lives as the thought of living without their only child became unbearable.  💔

It’s about the fact that Purdue Pharma lied to the DEA, to the medical community, and to the public regarding how highly addictive OxyContin truly was.  Providing kickbacks encouraging providers to ignore the complaints and concerns of their patients and continue to prescribe massive deadly doses of their poison pills. 

It’s about the fact that Purdue Pharma knowingly continued to market and sell Oxytocin to providers who prescribed it to those who were obviously abusing the pills. 

It’s about the fact that the Sackler family made billions of dollars, lived lives of luxury and put the BLAME ON THEIR VICTIMS while spitting in the faces of the families who were losing everything to pay for treatment in attempts to save the lives of their children.  

It’s about the fact that the Sackler’s feel they can buy their way out of knowingly murdering thousands while walking away without accountability for their crimes. 🤬


It’s about the fact that without imprisonment the Sackler’s will go back to business as usual reaping the benefits of lies, deceit, and disregard for human lives.

The Darkness Rolled In

Matt,  today is a beautiful day.  The sun is shining.  The sky is a magnificent shade of blue.  I should be able to enjoy the beauty but today my darkness found me.  

I never know when it will return until I feel it building like a storm churning out at sea.  Just off my horizon threatening and ominous.  There are times it dissipates before hitting but today it hit full force.

I never know what brings it on.  Perhaps it’s the memories of our lives before your death.  Perhaps it my loss of the life I lived before my cancer treatments and surgeries.  Perhaps it’s the guilt for not understanding how your chronic back pain drove you to seek relief through poison pills.  

Now that I live with your pain my thoughts turn to how horrible it must have been for someone so young to endure daily pain.  I feel like I’m re living your life as a lesson only to be learned by experiencing exactly what you did.  

You injured your back.  That injury led to surgery.  That surgery changed how you were able to work and live.  Your limitations forced you to give up your business and to make lifestyle changes no one your age should ever have to make.  You lost your ability to do everything you loved and masked the pain both physical and emotional with pills.  

I injured my back.  A tumor was found and surgery followed.   Cancer was found.   That surgery changed how I was able to live.  No longer could I do any of the things that helped keep the darkness away.   No more riding my bike screaming into the wind.  No more yoga where I could stretch and twist and breathe the grief away.   No more digging in the dirt, planting colorful flowers to ease my pain. 

Now all I have is time.  Time to remember, relive, and rethink every moment of how life used to be.   Time to pray for peace in dealing with the losses of my life.  Time to remember life when the memories weren’t coated in grief.  



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