Matt, today is Thanksgiving, my 8th without you. You would think after all this time the weight would be lighter. The grief would have lessened it’s grip on my heart.
I woke today with that familiar lump in my throat. That feeling of choking that has become a part of life since you left. I wanted to stop and scream that I just can’t do this anymore.
I have so much to be grateful for. Today, Mike and Heather are coming over. It’s the first time since Covid that we will be spending a holiday together. He’s frying the turkey like he did your last Thanksgiving at home. If I close my eyes I can see both of you standing together outside by the fryer, your breath floating in the air as you laughed at a private joke
Oh how I wish you were here. How I wish I could look out my window and see you both standing side by side. How I wish you would walk in my door yelling Hey Mom we need some help.
Today my grief will be mixed with gratefulness. Missing your presence at the table. Your smile. Your voice. Missing your teasing about my cooking. I will be grateful for the presence of your brother. Some of his mannerisms are so much like yours. The tilt of his head. How he speaks using his hands. The way he stands around the table guarding the turkey before everyone gets to praise him for his masterpiece.
I never saw a time when you would not be here. Never ever imagined the emptiness your absence would create. I will forever long for your presence.
I pray Thanksgiving in Heaven is beautiful. That you are surrounded by love, peace and light. That one day our souls will be reunited and my heart will be full once again 💕