Matt, In two days it will be International Overdose Awareness Day. It really is a day I wish I knew nothing about. Even after 6 years the reality of life continues to hit hard.
I miss you every day and continue to wonder what life would be like today if you had survived your addiction. I don’t think anyone who has not walked in my shoes could ever understand the toll addiction takes on those who are left behind.
Even though I would rather forget about this day, I know I would never forgive myself if I did not honor your life in some way. I’ve decided to host a candle light vigil at your garden. I’ve invited other parents who share my grief to come together and remember our children.
Pastor Mike will lead us in prayer and song. I was given your Grandmothers prayer book and found pages she had marked that talk about Heaven. I plan to read those passages aloud in hope of allowing grieving parents to feel some peace as to where their children now live.
I’ve chosen songs that have touched my heart. One was played at your memorial. I Can Only Imagine has brought healing to my broken heart as I try to imagine how beautiful Heaven must be. I picture you healed and healthy. I picture you walking on a beach with Kahlua by your side. I picture Jesus welcoming you with open arms and loving you as only Jesus can.
As night falls we will light candles and share stories of life before our worlds came crashing down. We will celebrate the lives of our loved ones cut short. We will come together knowing we are never alone in this grief.
Oh Matt, I would rather be spending that evening having dinner with you. I would prefer to know nothing about this bittersweet day of remembrance and loss. Sadly, that is not the path I walk.
I will look for a sign as I stand beneath the cross at your garden. I will pray that you will let me know you are there and you see how much you are loved.
Your death has been a tremendous loss in my life. You will never be forgotten my beautiful boy. Until we meet again…….